Not I...

Once upon a time there was a frazzled mother of five children who had begun her day with a long to-do list and high hopes of checking off at least a few items. By the afternoon she had given up on the rotten list and just wanted one thing: to get her house straightened up so that her one shred of sanity that remained could stay intact.

"Who will help me clean the house?" she asked her children.

"Not I" said the middle schooler who had been sitting in the same chair without moving all day. "I've only gotten to watch four hours of TV today. I just don't have time to help."

"Not I" said the nine-year old son. "I already started cleaning but nobody else was helping so I don't think I should have to do it. Plus, I'm contemplating how cool it will be in a few hours when I flush the toilet and it floods all over the bathroom floor and spreads to the carpet of the bedroom so that you will have to drag out the steam cleaner and shampoo carpets instead of getting us to bed at a decent hour."

"Not I" said the six-going-on-sixteen-year old daughter, rolling her eyes dramatically. "I don't want to and you can't make me. And by the way, do you think you could possibly get my halloween costume made in this century?"

"Not I" said the preschool boy who was still a little groggy from his late afternoon nap in the recliner. "I'm still too tired to help and also while I was sleeping I had an accident so I need you to get me some new clothes and clean up this chair again."

"I'll help" said the baby as she headed for the toilet with five new toothbrushes. "After I get done throwing these into the potty, I'll make sure that you have enough other stuff to clean up in the kitchen by dumping out the rest of the pretzels and stomping all over them and then I will pour out my sippy cup on top to make sure they get really sticky and gummy and impossible to clean up."

The poor mother sighed and went to put in another load of laundry, load the dishwasher, and make the dinner that most of the kids would say tastes like puke. And she did. All by herself. The End.

Of course this was all just a story. It in no way resembles anything that may have taken place around here today. Not at all. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go and put away my steam cleaner and mop some sort of gunk off the kitchen floor.