Ouch.

You know when someone says "I feel like I've been hit by a truck" or someone else says "You look like you've been hit by a truck".  Well, I personally have never been hit by a truck or seen someone who has been hit by a truck.  But if being hit by a truck feels like microvascular decompression surgery, I hope that I never have the experience of being hit by said truck.  Or that you have that experience either.  It's a little bit painful.

We left on June 19th to head over to my appointment to meet the surgeon and go over any last minute questions.  That went well.  Dr. Casey is quite interesting and sort of cracked us up with is very odd sense of humor.  But the man knows his stuff and really helped to put us at ease, at least as much as possible.  I came away from that appointment feeling like I made the very best choice in a surgeon.  The hospital seemed really nice too--newer and well kept with lots of friendly people to direct us where we needed to go.  It was also not a huge place, which made me feel more comfortable too.

After that we went and had lunch and then bought a few snacks for Kalen at the grocery store before checking into our hotel.  We had decided to stay over since I had to be at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning and it would have been a challenge to drive back over in the middle of the night.  We settled in and just relaxed for a couple of hours before dressing up and driving up to the Detroit Temple to do a session.  It was the best possible thing to do to feel calmer and peaceful about what would happen the next morning.  It was especially cool because I was the very first person to go into the Celestial Room and had it to myself for quite awhile before others came in.  It was such a beautiful feeling to be there by myself and soak up that feeling for that time.

We ate a late dinner on the way back to the hotel and then called my mom and the kids and talked for awhile.  After that the terror set in all over again.  Mostly I think it was because no matter how much I had prepared or how many questions I asked or how many accounts of others experiences I had researched, I still had no idea what this surgery would be like for me.  And to know that meant I had to go through it myself.

We got up at about 4:40 although I had been awake since 3:00 and got ready to head to the hospital.  We arrived and registered and then we were sent up to the surgical waiting room.  Kalen was given a number and shown a big screen that indicated what stages various surgeries were in so he would know what was happening to me.  They called me back into the holding area where I changed into a gown and they got an IV going.  My nurse was this bubbly little Japanese lady that reminded me of Chieko Okazaki and made me feel a lot calmer.  Once that was done, Kalen was allowed to come back to visit for a bit.  The surgeon came by to say good morning and had me put an X on the left side of my neck to indicate which side they would be working on.  Then the anesthesiologists came in to talk about what they would be doing and then they had Kalen leave so they could insert an arterial line into one of my veins so they could monitor my blood pressure during surgery without using the cuff.  They gave me something in the IV to make me not care that they were mutilating my veins while they tried several times unsuccessfully to get the line into my miniscule veins.  I had one person on each arm digging needles in when the surgeon came back and told them to stop hurting me and that they would put it in once I was under the anesthesia.  I was so happy to hear him say that!  Then they found out that the guy who was supposed to do the intraoperative monitoring of my systems had overslept and was coming from Ann Arbor--about an hour away.  So Kalen was allowed to come back for a bit longer.  Then finally, they gave me more of the drug to make me loopy and sent Kalen off again.  I vaguely remember being wheeled to the OR and being lifted onto the operating table.  I remember someone at my head putting a mask next to my mouth and telling me to have a nice nap.  I remember thinking he was going to need to put the mask all the way over my face for it to work.  And that was the last thing I remember until hearing voices interrupting my peaceful sleep.  I felt the circulation "socks" on my legs pumping and giving my legs a nice massage.  I remember being told that they were taking me to my room in the ICU.  My head hurt but not nearly as bad as I had expected.  I remember people lifting me onto the new bed and someone remarking "she's a lightweight compared to the usual!"  This whole time I had not opened my eyes and I don't know how much time passed between each thing I remember.  I know I kept telling people I was thirsty.  My mouth was SO dry, my lips were cracked and my tongue felt ten times it's normal size and completely numb on one side.  Everyone kept telling me I couldn't have anything to drink yet and I was so mad.  I was sure I was going to die soon if I couldn't get water.

Later I woke up again, opened my eyes and then closed them immediately.  The entire room was spinning rapidly!  I tried again but it was worse.  I remember thinking I may have made the worst decision of my entire life!  What if I could never see again???  I was also aware that Kalen was next to the bed watching TV and jiggling a cup that clearly had a bunch of lifesaving ice in it and I was so mad at him because he wouldn't give me any! 

The day went on with me sleeping and waking occasionally only to discover that the dizziness was still unbearable.  I remember finding the clock on the wall and trying to bring it into focus.  I'd get it almost there and then it would spin away again.  At some point the surgeon came in and told me he felt the surgery was successful.  If I could have mustered the energy I may have begged to differ! 

The entire day passed and they still wouldn't give me any water.  At that point I'd have sucked a washcloth dry!  I just needed something but they said because of the dizziness and nausea, they couldn't do it because they were afraid it would just come up again. 

Finally in the middle of the night, the nurse took pity on me.  She brought me a cup that had a tube with a sponge attached to the end.  She told me to only wet my lips and tongue with it but not to suck on it or swallow.  Guess what I did the second she left the room?  I tried to be good and do what she said, but that dripping water was such a blessed relief.  It felt so heavenly on my cracked lips and giant tongue and especially dripping down my parched throat. 

Kalen arrived early the next morning to find me still having major dizziness issues, but I was finding that I could keep the clock in focus for a few seconds each time, so it seemed somewhat better.  They took out my catheter so that I would have to get out of bed to go to the bathroom which they felt was necessary for me to start improving.  It was such an ordeal!  I have never felt so weak or dizzy!  I had to walk heavily supported by Kalen or a nurse, and I would get back into bed shaking all over and with teeth chattering.  But everytime I got up, I did feel a bit stronger and a bit better. 

The next step was to eat something.  And that was impossible.  The nausea and dizziness were so awful!  I'd get a few sips of Ginger Ale down and a couple of nibbles of cracker but that was all I could do.  The entire day was like that and then that afternoon the vomiting started.  I couldn't seem to keep anything down.

I had been told to expect a 1-2 day hospital stay, but it was very apparent, that I wasn't going home that day.

The next day, the room had finally stopped spinning IF I just held my head very still.  Every time I had to turn my head it set it off again.  I managed to eat some Jell-O that morning and some Sierra Mist and more crackers.  And everything stayed down, so that was good.  I had my first shower, pathetic though it was.  I had to sit on a chair and could barely do anything, but it felt so good to have all the goop out of my hair (I was quite a sight the first time I looked in the mirror!) and change into a fresh gown.  I continued to graze on a few things but still struggled.  We waited all day for the doctor to come in but it was evening before one of his associates came.  They had talked about releasing me on the second day.  I was having a hard time fathoming how I would survive the ride home in a moving vehicle, but I also knew it was Kaya's birthday and she was going to be so disappointed if I didn't get to come home.  But after consulting with us, he left and called Dr. Casey to see what they should do.  Later the nurse came in and told us we were staying for another night.  As sad as I was for Kaya, I was relieved to have more time to recuperate. 

The next morning I felt hungry for Cheerios!  And I ate nearly the entire bowl.  The dizziness was ever-present but better than it had been.  I could focus my eyes for longer periods.  And I felt a lot stronger.  We even went for a short walk down the hallway!  So late in the morning we got word that I could go home.  Kalen went to Walmart and bought a travel neck pillow and two other pillows.  We slightly reclined the car seat and he wedged me in between the pillows which kept me from moving too much on the ride.  I kept my eyes closed nearly the whole ride home because the scenery flashing past was too much for my poor dizzy head. 

And then we were home.  It was so fantastic to see the kids again.  They were as careful as possible to keep their voices down to protect my sensitive ears.  (The fluid and swelling on the left side cause some sounds to be muffled and others to be magnified.  I was ready to strangle one of the housekeepers in the hospital who was shaking out a plastic sack one day!)  They had lots of stories to tell me about all the fun they had with Nana while I was gone.  It seems she did a fantastic job of keeping them busy and happy and unworried about me. 

That night we celebrated Kaya's 4th birthday and she was so excited about everything.  And I felt so happy just to be home.  I think it's really true that you can recover more quickly when you are in your own environment. 

Every day since has been better than the last.  The dizziness is almost gone now.  I still have a few episodes now and then and the full ear that I'm experiencing tends to make me feel off balance so I'm looking forward to that clearing up.  The doctor said it can take up to 6 weeks though:(    My hearing is still a bit sensitive but getting better.  I can now walk to the bathroom all by myself.  My voice which I lost as a result of the breathing tube, is finally coming back.  I have a massive bruise on my chin from a monitoring needle that they used that is finally clearing up.  My arms where both the arterial line and the attempted lines were, are both slowly healing.  They are a mass of blue and green and yellow bruises and at night especially they ache something terrible.  The incision isn't pretty but hasn't given me much trouble at all.  I never did get the huge headaches I was expecting.I am getting stronger all the time but wear out quickly.  It is so strange to feel pretty good but have something as simple as taking a shower cause me to need a nap.  As slow as recovery seems to be going though, I know I did the right thing.  The left side of my face is calm!  No more winking at people (unless I want to!), no more weird twitches and spasms pulling the side of my mouth! 

The surgeon said I had a couple of different areas that were affected.  There was a vessel trying to wrap itself around my auditory nerve (that's what caused my episodes of tinnitus before, and what caused so much of the dizziness afterward.  It also makes me wonder if the vertigo I experienced before may have even been caused by that).  There was also a cluster of veins resting on my 4th, 5th and 7th nerves.  They padded them all off and got a perfect reading on their EMG.  I am so happy that it was successful.  I am still having a few mild twitches on the right side which time will tell if it was related to the left problems and will eventually go away, or if they continue will indicate hemifacial spasm on that side.  Even if I do have it on the right side, at this point it is so mild that I wouldn't do anything about it yet.  But if it does progress, I know who to call!

Below, is a picture of my incision.  Do not feel like you have to look at it, especially if you have a weak stomach, but for anyone who wondered exactly what I was having operated on, here you go:

Staples will come out at week 3.