I can just see a future time when my children are all grown and we gather for a reunion to sit and share old memories. I'm guessing that it may start out something like this: "Hey, that reminds me of that one episode of Spongebob where ..." or "Remember when Zach and Cody decided to trick their mom that one time..."
At MOPS today we watched part of a documentary about the kind of play that kids these days have compared to those in previous generations. And it got me thinking. And feeling some guilt. When I get together with my siblings and tell "remember when" stories, it is so much fun to reminisce about our childhoods and the experiences that we had growing up. One quote from the documentary had a guy saying that todays kids spend way more time "looking at screens than they do looking at streams". When I was a kid in rural Utah, we roamed around for miles all the time. We'd build playhouses and forts in the trees and go on hikes just to see what new discoveries we could make. "Going swimming" consisted of playing in the river or tubing down the canal (with no adult supervision, of course). Actually when I think of some of the things we did as kids, there is no way I'd let one of my kids do those things unsupervised! But even our indoor play was different. We'd role-play elaborate stories with our dolls and dress-up clothes or we'd play "office" with old junkmail and scratch paper, or we'd make up all sorts of silly games with ever-changing rules. There was no such word as "playdate". We played with our siblings and cousins most of the time and on occasion we would have a friend over for a sleepover or we'd go to their homes. Mostly we just went with the flow of things.
The documentary pointed out that now there are kids who could tell you everything you could ever possibly want to know about the Amazon rainforest, but they don't have a clue what's in their own backyard. Some people would say that's the problem with living in a city. But actually the documentary says the city is a lesser problem than the suburbs. Suburbanites spend hours scheduling their kids playtime and activities and then driving them to each location. Then when they aren't "playing" at those things, they are at home glued to the TV or computer or texting, texting, texting.
The guilt I am experiencing is because my kids seem to be headed in that direction at least as far as the tv is concerned. Part of it is the time in which we live. I don't feel entirely comfortable leaving the kids alone in our un-fenced yard. I wish I could, but there really are some scary people out there, and I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to them that I could have prevented had I just been with them. The same goes for letting them walk or ride their bikes all over town. Kendall walks to his friend's house one block over sometimes and it's all I can do not to follow him to make sure he's okay! The other thing is, I get really busy doing all of my mundane list items every day and it's a lot easier to turn on the TV to occupy the kids instead of having them whining and following around at my heels constantly. But then, it's easy for an hour then two and sometimes three to go by before I realize that the blasted TV is still on and my kids have slipped into a tv coma where it's impossible for them to hear anything I say to them or be aware of anything going on around them.
I do okay most of the day when I'm babysitting because I try to keep the kids occupied and playing and I plan activities and games that we can play. But even then, I feel like if I'm not in the middle of it, they suddenly don't know what to do with themselves. I don't want to be an entertainer. I love playing with the kids, but it would be nice to be able to go to the bathroom and have them continue playing and developing their own imaginations. I can remember only a few occasions where my parent's were actually involved in our playtime activities.
So, my new resolve is to turn off the TV more (or maybe even completely) and get the kids playing more and being more creative and imaginitive so that they can have fun memories like I have. What do all of you do with your kids to help facilitate that? And how do you still find time to do the things on your list that need doing if the TV is not involved? I am open to as many ideas as you can throw at me!
7 comments:
Huh. Yeah, I have the same dilemma. I'll be looking forward to comments from people who have it more together than I do!
Remember how we'd get up early for Saturday morning cartoons because they were a BIG DEAL? Now, kids TV is always just on and nothing special. I do have the fenced backyard and let my kids play back there, but I still like to hover pretty close to windows etc. "just in case". But, I do feel sad sometimes because their childhood is so very different from the freedom of our childhood. And I do feel sometimes there is something lacking in their play and they just want to be entertained all the time.
Ooooh Amy. This post was so -- what's the word? -- perfect, something... what's the blasted word? Reading it, I just kept thinking, "Oh man. Oh man. OOOH dear." You're so right. As kids, we'd come home from school and try to sneak in some tv, but Mom always caught us and had us turn it off, and off we went outside, and it was great! We never were fenced in! We never were supervised! We'd get scraped and banged and injured and we lived and it was great! But can I do that with my kids? No way. For one thing, we also don't have a fenced backyard, and especially in the neighborhood I live in, there is no way they can go outside unsupervised, and frankly, I just can't always be out there with them. I'm so freaked out that they're gonna grow up to hate the outdoors or something. They're already afraid of most animals. And there's only so much they can do inside. I let them watch a movie in the morning (so I can sleep...) Well, it's usually Ian watching the movie in the morning while Mitch is on the computer playing his hockey game. I try to limit their tv and computer time (the morning movie is the only time the tv is on, for instance), but then, I don't go out of my way to give them alternate ideas, and since I do a lot on the computer, it's so much easier to let Ian get on his computer too so I can get my work done. But then that's what goes on all day! Sure, he will run off and play with toys for most of the day, but there is inevitably the time when he's on the computer with me, and for longer than I would like. And of course, then Mitch comes home from school, and as soon as homework is done, he wants to be on the computer, and keeping him off it only results in bad moods. UGH! I have started a vicious cycle and I don't know how to break it. Do you mind (if you do, say so. I shan't mind but shall completely understand) if I post this on my blog to get ideas too? I need something.
Oops, that was long. Sorry!
Well, the age of your kids and mine are very different. With it being so much of a habit now if you did just say no to the tv they might start a riot!!! What we would do here if that was the case is limit the amount of television on one end or the other (not able to watch before a certain time or the TV going off by a certain time)
If you were to start limiting it then they would have however much time you decided was needed for "play." Books are fun also, they could always have a "library day" each week and maybe have a contest with it! I have the kids read a chapter a day in a book of their choice Monday threw Friday. I think that reading is a great way to strengthen the mind and since it is a book of their choosing, they are bound to be interested in it and thrive on what they are reading!!
You could always have the option open at a certain time of the day that they can play some form of a board game or card game with you or Kalen. That not only gets them doing something that is not television related plus it gives you quality family time (who doesn't want that!!!)
Something also that might be fun is have each kids "help" you with cooking dinner and then also dessert (if there is going to be any.) The kid, (maybe not Taylor, he's a teenager!) will feel special that they "cooked" dinner and will get praise from everyone else while they are eating it! That will be a boost of confidence! And again, you will also have the family bonding that is so awesome!!
Hopefully some of what I have wrote might help, if not I am sorry and will give it some more thought!! Good Luck
P.s. I loved the way we grew up, it was awesome and I couldn't imagine letting Adrian and Ashley do some of the stuff that we did and they are almost full grown!!!
Kirsten,
Go ahead and post away on your blog! I can use any ideas possible!
Susannah,
Thanks for the input. Those are some good ideas. They do love board games and Kendall especially loves to help us in the kitchen. I am happy with the amount of time the kids spend reading. Taylor and Kendall both love to read. Kendall especially will usually spend about an hour a day reading. I do need to do better about reading to the younger kids though. I used to be really consistent and made sure to read with the kids for at least 30 min. a day, but now I feel like I'm doing good if I can get through a whole picture book in one sitting some days--there are always so many interruptions!
Wow that is quite the blog. I am really quite passionate about this subject. So sorry but my comment might be long. I hate TV, video games, and computer games. We have never had any of them. Well that is not quite true. Tyson (16) recently traded a 10 year old laptop for an old game cube? I think that is what it is. They don't play it much. And I admit I would like a WII Some of those active games look pretty fun. But I will never put the money into it. Also, During the 2002 Olympics we ordered cable and watched from home. We disconnected it right after the Olympics ended. We enjoyed that time but were glad to be rid of the TV again. None of my kids have ever complained. They don't seem to miss it. Jessi (17)and I recently were talking about marriage and what to look for in a husband. She mentioned two things specifically that I remember. She doesn't want her's to be into video games and she doesn't want tv in their home. I guess I have indoctrinated her well. My kids are extremely active. They are rarely in the house when it is summer. I admit being that active has its drawbacks. For instance we have had 7 broken bone injuries. One from a rope swing, trampoline, tag, snowboarding, showing off on a bike, and soccer. Only one was indoors and he fell down the stairs while running to get something for soccer. In addition we have had multiple black eyes, from wrestling, a few fights when things have gotten out of hand, swing dancing injuries, a totaled vehicle, and too many broken and lost glasses to count. But they have all survived. And I think they are better for it. We have had kids over from ages 4 - 18 that don't know what to do with out video games or TV. My kids are usually discusted with them as they try to show them there is life with out it. I am a fan for turning it off completely and leaving it off. They don't need it and you don't need it. Try to invest in a fence when your children are little. It does wonders for your feelings of safety. And it is really not that much money if you put in the labor. We put in our fence right after we moved into our house. It was great until our two year old (Justin) climbed it. (The same day we put it in.) But he is another story. It is nice to be able to let the young ones out in the back and supervise them every 10 minutes or so. But you know what is better? Go out. It really doesn't matter if the dishes and laundry is done. Believe me one day you will be helping your daughter sign housing contracts for college and wonder where the time when. Trust me. I always had to have things done first and waited to play. I regret that. Also kids don't always have to be entertained. Let them use their imaginations. We also have very few toys. (If you don't see commercials you don't know what you want) They spend their time in make believe, outdoor games, reading etc. My kids rarely say "I am bored". They know I will have a list of things to do. Jobs that is. They have learned to find something they want to do. If they follow you around you can give them a job to do with you. They might enjoy it and then you will get done faster or they might instantly find something else to do. If you are still not convinced. These are the benefits we have already realized: Accelerated reading levels (we have had reading levels as high as third year college level in the 6th grade), active kids (thus in shape), We have 3 guitar players, one piano player and one drummer, Our kids are social, Our house is a favorite hang out, More conversations (believe me that is very important when they are teenagers), They are hard workers, they know how to garden, mow etc. They can do hard labor like shovel and even put in a sprinkler system, People have seen them work and they have got jobs because of that, they love animals and know that some are pets and some are food, They have served...Alot. Jessi had over 700 service hours logged from 9th-12th grade, and lastly we can combat all the garbage our kids see, hear, and learn about at school during our coversations at home and we aren't bringing it in on purpose. I hope this has sounded helpful and not preachy. My kids aren't perfect and neither are we, but this is one thing we have done that I feel we have mastered. I will never regret not having these things. I will be forever greatful that we were to poor to have it in the begining and that by the time we could afford it we didn't like it. Good luck. Let me know if anyone tries it.
I just realized that with all that I didn't really answer your question. My suggestion is to ask the kids to write down all the fun things they can think of to do. You also need to have a list of jobs. Don't include things that they should be doing everyday, like dishes, make beds, clean bathrooms, vaccum etc. More spring cleaning type, like organize the closet, clean out the fridge, weed the garden, wash the windows, wash the floor boards etc. Then when they want the TV etc. Show them both lists and let them choose something. Good luck!
P.S. I forgot to mention in the other blog to be careful not to schedule for them. Dance, lessons, sports etc. It may sound like we do a lot of that, but my kids have learned their instruments at school or on their own, dance is from social dance at school and they only get one sport a year. They need less structure not more. After all in a few short years they will not have time for all they want to do.
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